When Grieving is a Luxury… December 1, 2010

I have an amazing friend, we studied together, celebrated the end of each semester with a glass of white wine and a toasted cheese and mushroom sandwich and completed  our degrees together.  She went on to complete her Masters in Psychology and qualified as a Counselling Psychologist, I dabbled in the world of advertising, human resources and ended up with motherhood as my fulltime career.  I admire her.  She’s my angel friend and its a title she deserves.

Life is very busy for both of us but we seem to make a moment for a very lengthy annual phone call and this year after we had spoken I was humbled.  I always knew she was doing work with the Hospice down the South Coast of Kwazulu-Natal but never fully understood what it all entailed.

She works on the “Memory Box Workshop” and I am going to copy the description of what its aim and purpose is from the www.betterplace.org website.

”HIV/AIDS is having a devastating effect on families in SA today and children are paying a heavy price: they are experiencing multiple losses as their circles of care break down. These children are highly traumatized by the loss of parents – many of them witness the physical deterioration, even the actual deaths. Ordinarily, children’s natural bonds with their parents provide them with their personal, social & cultural identity. After the trauma of death many children face severe emotional instability; the risks include withdrawal, destructive behaviour, learning difficulties & depression. A solution showing significant positive results in increasing resilience in affected children is engaging the children in a memory work programme. A Memory Box workshop develops the children’s psychosocial well-being, essential for their survival. Also, the children whose needs have been met can help by providing emotional support to siblings & peers; they will also take part in other activities encouraging them to realise their full potential. The essence of memory work rests on the idea that it is good for the child to know his family story, however painful, on condition that this history is recounted in a warm, non-judgmental setting. They access this knowledge through memory & for the grieving process to unfold in a meaningful way the children’s perceptions & feelings need to be validated by supporting adults. The main aim of this intervention is to provide AIDS orphans with life skills that enhance their resilience so they cope better in life. A 5-day Memory Box workshop will be held in the school holidays following funds being received; 15 children will participate under the supervision of 2 qualified staff. Transport will be provided to & from their homes to a community hall where the workshop is held. All materials, memory boxes, Duduza dolls, photos & 2 meals/day will be provided.”

My friend explained to me that in our society we see grieving as a right, but in these rural areas where poverty is high, grieving is a luxury. 

“When you are the 5th grandchild to sit at Gogo’s (grandmother’s) table and needs to be fed, Gogo has no time to worry about your feelings, she is too busy being worried about finding more food to feed you and the rest of the children.”

I admire the work that this organisation is doing for those left behind, they are taking little lives and hopefully providing them with a turning point.

So today, as we remember those who have lost their fight with HIV/AIDS and support those who are living with HIV/AIDS , I want to remember the angels out there, who are dedicating their work, to making a difference in the lives of those whose worlds have forever been changed due to this devastating virus.



Ayoba Deutschland! June 16, 2010

The day had finally arrived and we were on our way to watch Germany vs Australia in the first FIFA Soccer World Cup match, played here in Durban at the new Moses Mabhida Stadium.

Armed with our German flags, ear plugs, painted faces and my Eldest son sporting a striped mohawk of black, red and yellow, we headed out four hours before kick off.  The atmosphere was electric as we neared the stadium with both Australian, German and South African supporters walking around.  Some wearing official gear, some wearing next to nothing but body paint in their respective countries national colours and I think I saw nearly every type of wig, hat, cap and Makarapa hat (a hat fashioned from a hard hat that has been cut out into elaborate designs and colours, representative of the wearers team.), imaginable!

As night fell, we made our way towards  the stadium lights that glowed in the distance.  Vendors were selling flags, a lady walked about on stilts greeting everybody and people who had spotted a gap in the market were selling  a “Shushuzela”, (ear plugs to combat the dreaded Vuvuzela!). 

Walking up the stairs I caught my first glimpse of the pitch and the enormity of the stadium and couldn’t help but let out a whoop of joy!  It was beautiful as the white arch of the Moses Mabhida stadium crossed over against the dark sky.  Fans were singing and flags from all over parts of Germany and Australia were hung from the different levels. 

I may not be a soccer fanatic but I enjoy the game and watching the fans was entertaining!  A block of German spectators, a little way off from us, got the Mexican Wave started a few times, singing songs and doing “magic fingers” towards the goal.  It must worked, considering Germany won a 4 – 0 victory against Australia.

We were lucky to have only a few Vuvuzela enthusiasts around us and even they did not blow their horns the whole game. For the first few minutes of the game I thought I would not need the earplugs I had hastily purchased the day before, however the constant drone and not the volume of the Vuvuzela eventually had me digging around for them!  The noise became so irritating,  it was as if  I had a swarm of bees buzzing around in my head.  Hubby also pointed out that it was a shame that we were unable to hear the songs being sung by the German and Aussie  supporters around us.

After the final whistle blew and the stadium was vibrant with the colours of the German flag, we slowly made our way back home, falling into bed well after midnight!

Ayoba Deutschland!  Ayoba!

* Tonight I will be changing my colours to those of Bafana Bafana as they play their second match against Uruguay.

My FIFA World Cup Check List! June 11, 2010

This morning at 6am, I woke up to the distant blare of a Vuvuzela but instead of feeling annoyed, I woke up feeling excited!  It had finally arrived!  The first day of the FIFA Soccer World Cup which has managed to excite even those who are not avid football fans.

My husband’s family is German and so our family, although proudly South African, have placed our feet in both camps.  Today we will watch the opening ceremony and cheer Bafana Bafana but on Sunday we will head out to watch Germany play against Australia at the new Moses Mabhida Stadium in Durban!

My FIFA World Cup list is as follows: –

German Supporters shirt – check

Face Paint – check

Flag – check

Learn the words to the German National Anthem – check

Ear Plugs for Vuvuzela onslaught – double-check!

Let the countdown begin!

Flagtastic! June 7, 2010

I only really cry if something moves me on a deep emotional level, emphasis on deep. So the odd movie or book can move me to tears, however this morning it was a flag.

My country has brought me to tears many times due to crime, corruption and the poverty that exists in our society, but this morning I was moved to tears by national pride.

We, South Africa, are about to kick off the 2010 FIFA Soccer World Cup and although we can boast new stadiums, it is the people of South Africa, that have moved me.

For the first time, in many years, South Africans are uniting with national pride. Yes, we are supporting Bafana Bafana – our national football team, but most of all I think South Africans are proud to be South Africans and want the world to know it.

Driving my children to school this morning nearly every second car and taxi had a South African flag on it and houses have South African flags tied to their fences.

This morning I felt my eyes well up with tears, because today I am proudly South African and can only wish that we, as a country, can continue with this unity from 2010 and beyond.

Uncomfortable March 20, 2010

As a South African there are times where one can experience incredible highs, like watching Nelson Mandela become President of South Africa, the run up to the FIFA World Cup with its  awesome stadiums and marvel at our rich culture and beautiful landscapes .  There are incredible low’s as well, these are generally related to issues of crime in our country, especially when it touches your life or the lives of your loved ones.  These are things that you tell yourself can happen anywhere and in any country.

Over the past week I have started to feel uncomfortable and that has never happened before.

A very vocal youth leader in our countries governing political party, Julius Malema, has at gatherings and social political occasions enjoyed singing “struggle songs”.  Julius has recently sang, what the ANC has tried to placate us with as another hit from way back then, a struggle song with the lyric “Kill the Boers, they are rapists.”

For those who are unfamiliar with South Africa politics, struggle songs  were sung by those oppressed by the white regime that  governed South Africa during the Apartheid years.  They were sung to empower those who were oppressed and had lyrics which spoke of the Whites and Boers of South Africa as well as referring to the war which they were fighting against Apartheid.  The term Boer, which in the Afrikaans language refers to farmers,  is also used to refer to the minority white population of South Africa with Dutch Heritage and who speak the Afrikaans language.

The minority referred to in the struggle song sung by Julius Malema are not pleased, firstly they see this as “hate speech” towards them as a cultural group in South Africa and secondly the farmers in South Africa are unhappy as the farm murders in South Africa are on the rise.

We have been told by our South African government to not take these songs literally but understand that these are the struggle songs that they sung during the Apartheid years, that even their ‘white’ freedom fighters sung along with them.

I have only one thing to say to the South African Government who have been in power since 1994.  The struggle is over.  The Freedom Fighters of the ANC are now the ministers that are sitting in parliament and who should take every South Africans concerns to heart under the banner of the Rainbow Nation that we profess to be.  Those struggle songs were rightly sung in the Apartheid years, the government of the Nationalist Party brought strife and heartache to the lives of many in South Africa, but the ‘war’ has been won, those who were in power and brought Apartheid into South Africa are dead.

In our current Democratic South Africa  do these ‘struggle songs’ still have a place, sung in our present context do they not constitute hate speech towards certain groups in our South African population?  Is racism still being allowed by our current Government?  If we continue to refer to the past how can we possibly move forward?  If we continue to lay blame at the feet of the sons of the ancestors of Apartheid how can we grow as a country? 

This week my father, who is of Anglo ancestry, was referred to as a “drunk Boer” by a Zulu man in his place of business when a disagreement arose.  It makes me question just how damaging these struggle songs are in the “New South Africa”?

Yesterday, the Afriforum Youth tried to deliver a Memorandum to the ANC Youth League at the ANC Headquarters ,Luthuli House, to bring to Malema’s attention that words had consequences.   They were not allowed access and their memorandum and list containing the names of 1 600 victims of farm killings was thrown to the floor. 

Tomorrow, South Africa is celebrating Human Rights Day, it begs the question whose Human Rights are we celebrating? If it is not every South African in the Rainbow Nation and speakers of at least one of South Africa’s eleven official languages then it is a damn shame!  Or is it sham?

99 Days And The FIFA World Cup. March 3, 2010

Yesterday, Eldest went off to school with his “Vuvuzela”  and a South African Flag sticking out of his school bag because South Africa has started counting down the last 100 days till the start of the FIFA World Cup and his school was having a special assembly to celebrate.

The stadiums have been built, the merchandise is everywhere and we have been informed, that as parents, we will have an extended school holiday period so that we can all bask in the FIFA World Cup frenzy that is expected to take hold of South Africa! (Note the sarcasm in my voice – pity I’m not getting a rebate on my school fees!)

I don’t like crowds.  During the Christmas period I hit the shops and malls a half an hour before they open so that I can be the first in and out, thereby beating the masses.  So when Hubby suggested applying for Soccer World Cup tickets, I was more than a little reluctant.  He won me over eventually with the “once in a lifetime” argument and how it would be an experience I would never forget.  So I decided to live a little.   We applied for the first game to be held here in Durban, which happens to be Germany against Australia, and a few other matches.  We were successful on only one application and that was  for Germany’s first game.  So it may not be to watch Bafana Bafana, my Country’s team, but its the next best thing. 

Now I  need to brush up on the German National Anthem before June!

Left Behind December 1, 2009

Today is another World  AIDS Day.  A day to remember those who fought the disease and those who are still fighting it.  A day to bring about AIDS awareness in the hope that this virus can be stopped in its tracks.

Today I want to remember the children, particularly in the rural areas, who have lost their parents to HIV/AIDS.  Many, becoming the primary caregiver to the ill parent and nursing them in their final days.  Many, orphaned by HIV/AIDS who are then left to become the head of the house and the parent figure to their younger siblings.  Children, who due to HIV/AIDS,  have had a fast forward button pushed on their little lives forcing them to grow up before their time and taking on the responsibilities of an adult.

Tabelo Timse has written an article called “SA’s Aids time bomb” on News 24.com.   This report states, that due to South Africa’s delayed response to HIV/AIDS, it is estimated that by 2015,  32% of South Africa’s children will have lost one or both parents to the disease. 

These are children who were failed by their government while their parents were alive and I question what type of support their government will give them when they are left to fend for themselves.

It’s easy to play the blame game, but today, I want to remember these children who have been left behind.

Fifteen Days! March 12, 2009

I sat glued to my television screen as the Constitutional Court ruling has just been issued on the right for South African Expats to vote.

I am so excited that Registered South African Expats will be allowed to take part in our April Elections!  Those who are registered voters, before leaving South Africa, need to notify the IEC of their intentions to vote as expats by the 27th March 2009.

It was exciting to see our South African Constitution work for the future democracy of our country!  I hope all Registered Expat Voters will take this opportunity and vote in South Africa’s General Elections this year!

Fifteen days and counting!

When Saying Goodbye Is Hard To Do. February 19, 2009

Many South Africans seem to be searching for their Utopian Dream.  A place where garden lasers and security systems don’t have to be switched on before turning off the lights and they can sleep without worry.  A place where they feel their children have a future and they can grow old.  The crime statistics here in South Africa are high, our current government are starting to show cracks as the old order retire and the new ‘cadre’s’ start taking control.  There are too many instances of fund mismanagement and corruption is starting to seep from under the parliamentary doors.  Many question where this will leave us in the years to come and many like to predict a future very much like Zimbabwe’s.

It is with this in mind that the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand, amoung other countries,  are seen as their salvation. 

Today I have a heavy heart.  This weekend I am to attend a farewell party of a close friend who has made the decision to immigrate. This is not like the 1990’s when many of  our friends were going overseas for work experience, where we knew that they would return at least once a year for a holiday and eventually they would return home… maybe?  This farewell party is just that, a finale to having the pleasure of a friends reachable company.  No more long phone calls, late Friday glasses of wine, dinners out and birthday parties. 

How do you conduct yourself at a farewell party?  Smile? Cry? Pretend it’s just like any other party and go into denial?

Either way I think waterproof mascara may be in order.

Straight Talking January 23, 2009

I like straight talkers.  Maybe that is one of the reasons I enjoy  listening to Barack Obama.  I find our politics here in South Africa a little long winded and filled with meaningless waffle.  Our politicians sometimes appear to be talking sense but if one listens carefully they are generally saying a lot without meaning a thing!  If they do attempt straight talking it is defensive or attacking their opposition without any basis to their claims which to me appears to be playground tactics.

On Wednesday, while watching the evening news I had a moment where I wanted to stand up, raise my fist and ululate!  Graca Machel, wife of Former President Nelson Mandela, was speaking at the launch of “Save Zimbabwe Now” and she called it like it is. (See here for the news report.)

“Politicians have very huge egos to protect. They don’t care if another thousand, another thousand and another thousand die, as long as they protect their egos.”

SADC (Southern African Development Community), after the Zimbabwean Elections, held in March, told the world to leave Africa to solve Africa’s problems.  Well it’s 10 months on and they haven’t solved a thing allowing Zimbabwe to unravel.  I can’t understand how the leaders of Zimbabwe’s neighbouring countries could allow this to happen!  For me, a South African, I worry that should anything go wrong in my country who will help us?  Because if this is the help that is out there then I am afraid it stands that African Leaders are only out to look after their own interests and not that of the common man.

Graca Machel stated;

“I want to say to the leadership who are in government in Zimbabwe… a government must protect its citizens… it’s how you treat your own citizens, that’s where your legitimacy comes from.

“It [the Zimbabwean government] has lost completely any kind of legitimacy. “

Robert Mugabe has been in power now for 20 odd years and yet he continues to blame ‘ the West’ and colonialism for the state of his country.  He constantly projects his failures onto Britain and it is time that he stops trying to hide behind the skirts of ‘colonialism’ and face the consequences of his actions.  In Zimbabwe there is little electricity and clean running water, not enough food, not enough money, no medical services and the children of Zimbabwe face a prospect of no education.  Due to the countries failing public works the country now faces cholera outbreaks which are spilling over into Zimbabwe’s neighbouring countries.

Graca Machel hit the nail on the head when she stated;

“This is not normal. This is a lesson to our region. We came together to liberate ourselves, but now [we see] that power can pervert you to become precisely the opposite of what led you to become a freedom fighter.

“This is a lesson to other liberation movements in our region,” said Machel.

To fight for freedom, in the past,  here in Africa, was black fighting white but I think it is time for the leaders of SADC to realise that a new fight is emerging and that is to ensure that African countries practice the democracy that they fought so hard for.  Democracy is not about race, it is about rights!

Many are starting a 21 day fast  in a bid to highlight the plight of Zimbabweans, I just hope that their efforts are not invain as it seems that the SADC Leaders are so preoccupied with self preservation that they may not take notice. Afterall, they have managed to ignore the voices of the people of Zimbabwe since March 2008 .

SADC will meet again on Monday here is South Africa, I am hoping that in those meetings the needs of the Zimbabwean people will be met.  If we can’t hope, what do we have left?