Twaddle & Twak

Rants, Raves and Everything Else!

A mood most foul! June 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — natalian @ 8:45 pm

If I was a cartoon character I would be drawn as a woman with wild curls frizzing off her head, walking briskly but stomping! Above my head would be a dark cloud.

A mood has set in here my people like a bad week of rain in the Cape.  Constant and unyielding.  I’m more snappy than a Jack Russel and have the energy of a Sloth.  Now before you start recommending pills and writing me off as a depressed housewife let me add that the mind is busy – too busy.   I wish I was not a thinker – but I am .  I think and analyse everything and when there is a lot going on there seems to be no time for the mundane activities of life.

I have had a moment… a realisation that things in my life are about to shift and that my sense of normality and everything that I find familiar is about to change.  I want to cling to the past with both hands and dig my nails in but time is like a wave and it’s rolling away and pulling me along with the currents.  I feel like I don’t belong in my present and know that a new future is calling me.  A future which will be wonderful but will leave me scarred.

Until I make peace with this future only then will I become unstuck from my present.  I’m like a computer programme that has frozen and nothing can be done with the computer until it is reset.

On the weekend we went to a local tourist trap here in KwaZulu-Natal, on leaving the establishment we passed a group of Zulu’s playing their drums, with one taking centre stage in full impi attire dancing his heart out and singing songs that I could not understand but could feel.  I watched for a moment.

Turning, I saw that Hubby had walked away with Eldest and Wee One.  I followed…. with a heavy heart and wet cheeks.


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