If I was a cartoon character I would be drawn as a woman with wild curls frizzing off her head, walking briskly but stomping! Above my head would be a dark cloud.
A mood has set in here my people like a bad week of rain in the Cape. Constant and unyielding. I’m more snappy than a Jack Russel and have the energy of a Sloth. Now before you start recommending pills and writing me off as a depressed housewife let me add that the mind is busy – too busy. I wish I was not a thinker – but I am . I think and analyse everything and when there is a lot going on there seems to be no time for the mundane activities of life.
I have had a moment… a realisation that things in my life are about to shift and that my sense of normality and everything that I find familiar is about to change. I want to cling to the past with both hands and dig my nails in but time is like a wave and it’s rolling away and pulling me along with the currents. I feel like I don’t belong in my present and know that a new future is calling me. A future which will be wonderful but will leave me scarred.
Until I make peace with this future only then will I become unstuck from my present. I’m like a computer programme that has frozen and nothing can be done with the computer until it is reset.
On the weekend we went to a local tourist trap here in KwaZulu-Natal, on leaving the establishment we passed a group of Zulu’s playing their drums, with one taking centre stage in full impi attire dancing his heart out and singing songs that I could not understand but could feel. I watched for a moment.
Turning, I saw that Hubby had walked away with Eldest and Wee One. I followed…. with a heavy heart and wet cheeks.